Warning: This answer is based on the possibly completely incorrect assumption that the person you are in relationship with has a personality disorder, specifically Borderline Personality Disorder. The most common underlying problem with BPD is a fear of abandonment, which results in frantic efforts to avoid it (real or imagined. ) You gave some examples of when she flies off the handle (which is what people with BPD do):
me saying some inappropriate jokes, the fact that I was frequently late or the fact that I was frequently a bit absent-minded or absorbed in other things. If she felt unloved or disrespected by the joke, she may have made the leap (common for this) that you might not love her. If you\’re late, you might not care for her. If you\’re absorbed in something else, you don\’t love her enough to pay attention to her. You responded by changing your behavior, and it still isn\’t enough. Yet she got worse. It\’s interesting that she does this with her family, because abandonment is a fear with those closest to someone with BPD. Friends tend to be treated differently. The friendships shift and are unstable (not speaking to one or the other, or playing one off of the other. ) Living with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder is often described as \”constantly walking on eggshells\” because you never know what will send them into an angry tirade. -A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation) -Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating -Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting – Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days -Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger -Having stress-related paranoid thoughts -Having severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality Seemingly ordinary events may trigger symptoms.
For example, people with borderline personality disorder may feel angry and distressed over minor separationsБsuch as vacations, business trips, or sudden changes of plansБfrom people to whom they feel close. Impulsiveness is often also an effort to make themselves feel more loved: buying themselves gifts, falling into relationships quickly, etc.
The emptiness is that even love doesn\’t make the person feel whole. Nothing makes the person feel valuable or whole. Obviously the last one is very serious, but the paranoid thoughts may just be expressed as, \”no one loves me\”, \”(x) hates me, I know she does\”, \”Your sister has it out for me\”, its. Living with someone with BPD is really mentally exhausting. Girlfriend gets extremely angry over small issues, how can I help her? You can\’t. She needs therapy. If any on this sounds familiar, then please insist that your significant other get help from a therapist equipped to handle personality disorders. Many therapists cannot. It is usually diagnosed by a Psychiatrist then treated by a therapist with adequate training. If it is only an anger management issue, an anger management course would be a great idea. I recommend them for anyone and everyone. If this sounds familiar though, you might want to think if you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this, because people with Personality Disorders are very hard to live with, and some are very resistant to treatment. Please tell me if I\’m way off here, and if I am, I\’ll remove this answer. Hey guys! My girlfriend and I have an altogether great relationship. I love her very much and things have been fantastic save for one or two arguments.
We are coming up on dating for a year. One thing that we struggle with, however, is that she does not like to talk about things that upset her. She always bottles things up, and it takes me picking up on little hints to realize that she is upset. Then its like pulling teeth to get it out of her. I have asked her to open up when something upsets her, and to tell me Hey, it upset me when you did this as soon as possible so that we can fix it and move on without it festering over time. She has really been working on it and is making some progress. Lately, however, I feel like she has been upset at least once a day over some little thing. On one occasion, I had said Maybe we can go out for dinner or something on Thursday earlier in the week. We made no solid plans and to be honest I totally forgot I had said anything. Although we went to the gym together on Thursday, she didnt tell me she was upset until about 3 hours later when we were in our respective homes. She didnt remind me or say are we getting dinner or anything. Her response was that she just thought I changed my mind. To me, it felt like she was setting a trap to get upset. I told her this, and it just made things worse obviously.
Last night, we had been out for drinks with a group of my friends, and my sister was DDing. I saw my girlfriend checking the time and her phone and asked if she wanted to leave. She said whenever I was ready, and I texted my sister to come and get us a bit earlier than I had planned. I could see she felt a bit out of place and I didnt really mind going home early. When my sister pulled up she said I had expected you later than this, and I (stupidly) replied (My girlfriend) was getting a bit ansy. While it was true, I meant it more as a joke, but it did upset her regardless. I know a lot of the time I mess up and employ sarcasm in a mean way. I am working on not doing so. My real question, however, is what techniques and strategies do you guys have that could help us to deal with little things that make one another upset or hurt? While they are never relationship shattering, over time I worry that it will be death by a thousand cuts so to speak. When they happen they pretty much spoil the mood of the whole day. We could both be in an awesome mood, but I always feel like I am walking a tightrope where when someone gets upset, the whole mood and day are soured because we dont really have a plan to fix it. Any help would be awesome guys. Thanks!