It can be difficult for many people to understand why a person would stay in an abusive relationship, but there are many reasons. Strong emotional and psychological forces keep the victim tied to the abuser. Sometimes situational realities, such as a lack of money, keep the victim from leaving. The reasons for staying vary from one victim to the next, and they usually involve several factors. The most important thing is for a person not to judge another person for staying in an abusive relationship. It may be a temporary or longer-term decision, but it is theirs to make. So please, be supportive of a person who may be in an abusive relationship. Encourage them to leave, but don t sound like a broken record in stating your opinion. Most victims are just looking for the right time with the right resources in place to leave.
Feeling helpless, hopeless and trapped
Fear of emotional damage to the children who need two parents, even if one is abusive Women, in particular, can experience hesitant and contradictory feelings and thoughts about the abusive partner and the relationship. These are some common victim reactions toward the abuser s behavior reactions that can keep the woman in the relationship: Feels emotionally attached to the abuser, but also feels anger toward him which she denies May use alcohol or other drugs to cope with the, fear or The friends and loved ones of a battered woman often wonder why she stays in the abusive relationship. The psychological state of an abuse victim is complex, and abuse is often cyclical. There are a number of possible reasons for staying with an abuser, and each situation is different.
Understanding why women stay in these situations is the first step toward helping a loved one get the help she needs. Abuse often occurs in cycles. After a violent episode, the abusive partner may be extremely apologetic and often swears that the abuse will never happen again. For a while, the abuser is on his best behavior. Most abusers are charming and manipulative. Women in these types of relationships may convince themselves that the partner БdidnБt mean itБ and experience denial about their partnerБs abusive tendencies. One reason some women stay with abusive men is that they believe the relationship is normal. In many cases, they grew up with an abusive parent, typically the father or other male figure. These women may have watched their own mothers weather years of abuse, and this leads them to believe that women are expected to tolerate this behavior.
One major reason women stay in abusive relationships is fear of what will happen if they try to leave. Often, the spouse convinces the woman that he will kill or injure her, her children, her pets or her loved ones if she leaves. She may also fear being stalked or harassed at work. Alternately, the abuser may threaten to kill himself if she leaves. Many women in abusive relationships are also afraid to be on their own. They may have transitioned from one relationship to another with little alone time in between, or they may have been in their current relationship so long that they feel it is too late to Бstart over. Б Abused women often stay because logistically, it is easier than leaving. Many abusers withhold money and resources from their spouses, and some refuse to let the woman work outside the home.
These women feel they have no place to go, especially if they have children. Some abused women genuinely feel that their partners are good people who have occasional bad episodes. The woman may truly love her partner and feel that she must stay in the relationship in order to БfixБ the abuser. One hallmark of an abusive partner is that he convinces the woman she is worthless or undesirable and that no one else would ever want her. The abuser often convinces the woman that the abuse is her fault, claiming that her behavior caused the abuser to react violently. Many abused women also feel ashamed of their situation. They fear the social stigma of the Бbattered wifeБ image and try to maintain a faцade of normalcy, even if this means staying with the abuser.