why do women have relationships with married men


Special Guest Post by Dr. Valerie Golden
Mate poaching is a robust phenomenon, and it is here to stay. When single women see a moderately attractive male, they are more interested in him if they believe he is already in a relationship! In fact, one sizable study found 90 percent of single women were interested in a man who they believed was taken, while a mere 59 percent wanted him when told he was single. Take Lisa, a young, attractive, smart, successful woman from a major metropolitan area. She professed to want and kids, desperately. So why did she waste precious time with Adam, a married father of two who never had any real intention of leaving his wife? And when they first met, was she really scanning the room for tall, dark, and handsome, or was she actually looking for married with romance sans responsibility? Is it because a man who is already taken is more experienced? Is he seen as able to commit? Is he more desirable because another woman has pre-screened him (while still single men are unknown commodities)? For some, the food on someone elseБs plate always looks tastier. If someone else wants him, he must be worth wanting. There is no simple answer. Remember, too, that some traditional types may want happily-ever-afters of emotional availability and financial security, while others may be after less than the full enchilada of marriage and children. Counterintuitive as it may seem, she might want more than a one-night stand but less than a full-fledged full-time beau thatБs hers and hers alone. ItБs counterintuitive because, letБs face it: if heБs cheating with you, honesty and trust canБt be topping your list. Nor can respect, availability, spending holidays and family time together, or being his first priority.


So why do it? Because for some single women, a relationship with a man who is married gives you breathing room. You are not accountable to him if you want to see a male friend or past lover. Plus, sneaking around has its thrills. The itself may be more lusty because itБs clandestine. Having sex in the married coupleБs bed, for example, becomes a daring thrill, full of lust and passion, in a way not possible otherwise. Likewise, unprotected sex. The need to be secretive, sneak around undiscovered, grabbing quick sexual encounters on the fly, can be a huge turn-on in comparison to a dinner date with a single man who calls on Wednesday night for Friday. Especially for rule-breakers, itБs just more fun being naughty. And bawdy. Some women may have decided never to trust a man. The logic goes something like this: if he has a wife at home and is cheating with me, I know heБs not me. And the sex is great because itБs new, adventurous, no strings attached, etc. ThereБs also the super-competitive woman who craves the, seeing mate poaching as the mother lode of wins to boost her. The hotter her rival, the hotter she is, the more she feels superior to the wife in terms of having the goods that men want. For these women, feeling superior has less to do with the man in question and how desirable he is, and more to do with being more powerful than and superior to the other woman. LetБs not forget the purely carnal aspect. As long as itБs illicit and forbidden, sparks fly. If he were to actually leave his wife or partner to make this relationship permanent, brace yourself for a nosedive. For starters, he cheated on her withб you, so how could you ever know he wouldnБt treat you the same way? And the sex might quickly become hum-drum once heБs available. б What about tactics?


How do they do it? Mate poachers, whether they want commitment or just sex, have a range of tactics, from dissing the current partner (e. g. , БYou deserve someone better. someone like me. Б) to showcasing desirable qualities that the current mate lacks (e. g. , БSheБs cold and unfeeling; I, however, am warm, vivacious, and loving. Б) Still others engage in Бbait-and-switchБ tactics, initially offering sex with no strings attached, only to expect down the road that her man will become so attached that he canБt bear to live without her. We may not like the tactics, but sometimes they work and successfully (e. g. ,б б Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt seem to have stood the test of time, at least as far as we can see). So what can the wife do? Take these insights and understandings home. Maybe even start an affair with the husband you have. You just might discover a competitive streak you never knew you had. б Stephanie Newman, Ph. D. , is the author ofб Mad Men on the Couch: Analyzing the Minds of the Men and Women of the Hit TV Show, which can be purchased from,б , and. б Some women are attracted to married men, and a new study may have a psychology-based explanation for why. The showed that when a man is desired by other women, his physical attractiveness is automatically boosted, suggestingб the ultimate sign of a manБs allure may be a wedding band. For the study, the team of international researchers from the U. K. and the U. S. recruited 49 female participants from the University of St. Andrews in Scotland to judge photographs of men both before and after they learned the manБs average rating from other women. The women were asked to rate 20 images of menБs faces and hands using a scale of 0-100 for Бnot at all attractiveБ to Бvery attractive.


Б Photographs were of male volunteers from St. AndrewБs staff and student population. The women also rated a piece of abstract art to serve as a control. After their first round of ratings, theб women were shown what they were told was the average rating of the men from either Бsome ofБ or Бall ofБ the other female respondents and were then asked to rate the men again. Wearing a wedding band may be the ultimate chick magnet. Results showed that womenБs rating of a manБs facial attractiveness rose by an average of 13 percent after they learned about positive ratings from other women. Not only did the women rate the men higher after learning of their social rating, they also took less time to decide on a manБs attractiveness. It took participants an average of 6. 92 seconds to issue the first rating but an average of 4. 54 seconds to provide the second rating. The researchers suggest this trend may be due to a psychological process known as Бmate-copying. Б However,б lead study researcher Catherine Cross, a researcher in the school of psychology and neuroscience at St. Andrews University, told Newsweek thatб although the findings may show evidence of our tendency to follow a trend, this specific findingб does not describe how the women would act, only how they might think. б \”We asked people to rate the attractiveness of images they saw on a screen,\” Cross told Newsweek. \”We didnБt ask them to make decisions about whether or not they would approach someone with the intention of asking them out. I wouldnБt want to speculate about how people make choices about pursuing relationships. \” in these slideshows Humans are social creatures and the opinion of othersб is hardwired to matter to them.

This stems from the importance of group inclusion for survival throughout evolution, Psychology Today reported. In some instances, making a decision that was not favored by the group could have meant death. Mate-choice copying is an extension of our psychological tendency to take other opinions into consideration when we make a decision, and this is not the first study to identify mate-choice copying in women. on this topic proposes that females tend to change the likelihood of choosing a potential mate based on the decision of other females and what other females agreeб to be desirable. In fact, one found that 90 percent of single women were interested in a man when they were told he was in a serious relationship,б but only 59 percent of women expressed interest in the same man when they were told he was single. Cross explained that while there may not be an advantage to specifically preferring a manб other women are attracted to, there is an advantage to using social information and the behavior and preferences of others to guide our own decisions. б \”Information about the preferences of others might help us to choose safe places to live, good foods to eat, good career paths to pursue, or trustworthy people to associate with,\” said Cross. The reason behind mate copying does not seem to be ill-placed. Rather, as Cross told The Independent : БWomen appear to copy the mate preferences of other women but this might simply be because humans have a general tendency to be influenced by the opinions of others. Б. node-type-article. article-body > p:last-of-type::after,. node-type-slideshow. article-body > p:last-of-type::after{content:none}

Show More

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to top button