The Red Sox have been impressive this postseason, dispatching the Rays in four games on their way to the ALCS. Equally impressive has been Boston s ability to grow exquisite and unmatched facial hair. Boston s beards are rich and profound like classical music on your face. These eight Red Sox embody the proper qualities of postseason beardom. 1. ВJarrod Saltalamacchia
The Red Sox catcher has grown something majestic on his chin and haunting on his lip. Saltalamacchia s effort is equal parts playoff-contender and Pennsylvania Dutch farmer. 2. Jacoby Ellsbury Ellsbury is all for playoff beards, but don t expect him to not trim and shape as necessary. Jacoby Ellsbury is a professional after all. 3. Craig Breslow Breslow s beard is the champion of the common man. If you or I were to reach the ALCS, our beards would take on a similar shape. 4. Mike Napoli There are beards, and then there is Mike Napoli s beard. The first baseman answers the age old question: What would I look like if I made out with Cousin It. You d look like Mike Napoli. 5. Clay Buchholz There is nothing remotely appealing about Buchholz s beard. That said, good on him for participating in the face of such impressive beard competition. Buccholz definitely wins half the battle in that he showed up and gave it his best effort.
It s just that his effort is so scraggly and patchy. 6. Shane Victorino Victorino looks like a Disney villain. That s all there is to say. 7. Dustin Pedroia Pedroia s beard gives him the appearance of a living, breathing, baseball-playing lawn gnome, which is to say Pedroia s beard makes him look awesome. 8. David Ortiz It s chiseled, symmetrical, and quintessentially Papi. It looks good with anything, but especially grand when bathed in champagne. Some of you may be upset that Jonny Gomes s beard wasn t on this list. That s because there is no list that contain Jonny Gomes beard CLEVELAND, Ohio – The Boston Red Sox have teamed up to produce a memorable set of beards this postseason. Their facial-hair festival follows the trend set by the popular TV show Duck Dynasty, which features the Robertson family of the successful Duck Commander duck-call company. We took a few minutes to trade emails with Art Allen, the proprietor of Modern Antics and. Allen, who lives in Minnesota, organizes \”beard-offs\” – mustache and beard competitions – across the Midwest, including one in Cleveland this year. Why do beards matter? Beards are important for many reasons: They help your face stay warm, they are the surest way to make a man look handsome, and they protect against multiple insect attacks.
When did you grow your first one and how long is it now? I grew my first beard when I was 14: it was just a chin beard, and I let it grow as long as I could until my mom made me shave it for my school picture. Then I grew it out again, and when I was 16 my full beard was starting to come in nice and full. I\’ve been wearing facial hair in one form or another almost exclusively since then. My current beard is only about 3 or 4 inches long. Obviously, the guys on \”Duck Dynasty\” have brought beards into the mainstream in a way that hasn\’t happened for a while. Good or bad? Before Duck Dynasty came around, drunk bar jerks were still yelling \”Hey Grizzly Adams! \” to me and my bearded friends. Like, last year. So, I\’m glad we have a new shorthand for \”Hey, your beard is pretty long,\” but I think it\’s still the domain of lazy thinkers and drunk bar jerks. That is, unless the bearded dude actually looks like one of the guys on Duck Dynasty, and let us all realize the pain in which he lives his life every day. How do you feel about the beards the Red Sox players have been growing? The Red Sox won\’t be taking home any bearding trophies this year, I\’m sorry to say. But that\’s OK! Sometimes men think a guy has to have a championship-level beard or nothing at all.
But you like to play rec league softball in the summe time, you enjoy home brewing, so why can\’t the Red Sox wear less than championship beards? Have any favorite baseball beards by current or former players? The best beard worn by any player on any team has to have been Johnny Damon when he was on the Red Sox back in the 2004 World Series era. That was a fine beard. In fact, I remember a commercial for Dunkin Donuts where they were advertising a new breakfast drink, and Johnny Damon wanted this drink so bad he was willing to take his beard off his face and hand it over in exchange for the drink. That\’s how important his beard was. But that\’s not the end of the story. Everyone says his biggest betrayal was leaving the Red Sox for the Yankees, but I think it was that he left for the Yankees even knowing that he\’d have to shave his beard to do so. No amount of money is worth shaving your awesome beard, dude. For shame. You had the \”Cleveland Beard-Off\” event in in March. How did that go? Will you be back? Yes! The Beard-Off is a beard and mustache contest I organize, and I held one at the Beachland Ballroom. There was a terrible snowstorm that night, which kept attendance low, but the crowd that showed up was outstanding. Really incredible beards in Cleveland.