I have always struggled to deal with the mind games that some people like to play with each other. Let me explain. I hate mind games. I ve always been a firm believer of just saying something to someone. If I like you, I ll tell you. If I don t, I ll stay away from you and only talk to you if it s an absolute must. There are no other ways around it, no room in my life for love-hate relationships, I left High School behind ten years ago and even then I struggled with being friendly to people I disliked. And I expect the same of other people and I think this is my problem. You see, because I expect the same from other people I have become easy to manipulate. I take things for face value. I look at people and try to see the best in them first. I ll speak from my own experience as a woman who dates men here but this applies to both sexes honestly. I don t automatically assume certain women have covert intentions to my partner because I am a big believer of supporting all women. I automatically believe my boyfriend, because I trust him will turn other women away and consider my feelings when it comes to other women who go out of their way to cause problems for me the way I consider his feelings about men he dislikes for their intentions. Not until too late do I recognise how he is far more oblivious to the intentions of women who do play these mind games because he doesn t play them himself.
I have never understood why some people feel the need to get territorial over and play games with other people s partners. Even when they have their own. It doesn t matter if you were friends with the guy before he got a girlfriend or a girl before she got a boyfriend, there are some lines you just do not cross. Firstly, they are now committed, respect that they are and they are happy with who they have. Secondly, doing things like for instance inviting them out to parties, holidays, events without their partner is just putting them in an awkward place. Not once in my entire life have I played those kind of games with anyone, I do not think them necessary, and I respect other people s boundaries and relationships. In my eyes, a guy with a girlfriend is as good as married. A girl with a boyfriend is as good as married. They are not fair game whatever the hell that is. They aren t automatically available because you knew them first in the capacity of a work colleague or a friend. They aren t your property or your territory. Get over yourself with that attitude. Not only is it morally messed up, people simply do not belong to other people. It s deeply disrespectful to think of another human that way, even more so to try to ruin the relationship they have chosen to build with another person. At the end of the day, if you re dealing with that kind of person in your partner s life, take heart.
Talk to your partner. Tell бhow you feel about this person s behaviour. Call their intentions as they are coming across out in front of your other half. And when you show them and tell him what this ill intentioned human is doing, if your partner really love you and considers your relationship important, they will see it and take necessary action to protect your relationship from other people s ill intentions. Remember, no one has the right to make you feel uncomfortable in your relationship. No one is allowed to play mind games and ruin your relationship with your other half. What you are building together is too important and deserves to become a garden made of truth and love, not something which is cut down at the very roots.
Any interaction with another person has the potential to involve some type of mind game. In fact, many of us are quite good at playing mind games in relationships. The problems start when the mind games are used for dubious purposes. Unscrupulous people want to be in control and many have learned how to push other people s buttons and pick up on subtle emotional signals in order to manipulate the other. Mind games involve manipulation, twisting the facts and creating doubt to destabilise another person. Here are some examples of mind games in relationships and tips to counteract them: The more tumultuous someone s childhood was, the more likely they are to engage in mind games.
As a powerless child faced with unfair and unreasonable parents, children learn ways to manipulate the situation in a subtle passive way in order to cope emotionally. Many take these dysfunctional coping mechanisms into their adult relationships. Playing mind games involves twisting the facts of a situation in order to suit the manipulator s version of events. They will see the situation their way and will generally lack the empathy to understand another person s point of view. They will ignore feelings and repeat their version of events, effectively voiding any other point of view of a situation. This can be extremely frustrating for the partner who feels misheard and misunderstood. Someone is definitely playing mind games when they dismiss your feelings. They will say something upsetting and when you react, you are told you are Too sensitive. A healthy, carting person will not like upsetting someone else and make a point not to do it again. A person playing mind games will make a mental note of that weakness and keep it as a weapon to be used in the future to control and manipulate. Another tactic is when you try to talk to your partner about their behaviour or about something you don;t like that they do.
Instead of listening and communicating, a person playing mind games will merely deflect the conversation and your concerns with a reply such as Well you did the same thing last week and that s why I do it. There is no acceptance of responsibility somehow their behaviour gets blamed on something you have done. What are you doing that for? , Why are you thinking like that? etc. A mind game player will do their best to shake the foundations of your beliefs and ideas about the world. The more confusion and self doubt, the easier it is to influence you. If you truly cared, you wouldn t do it is an example of emotional blackmail. You are made to feel you do not care enough and in this way they control your behaviour. Over time, mind game players groom you into doubting yourself and this undermines confidence. They may also throw in comments like, You are lucky to have me, no one else will love you like I do or You on t find someone else to love you. Instead of bringing out the best in you, they chip away at your confidence to keep you feeling unworthy. As a result, you will be less likely to leave the relationship. If you think you are experiencing mind games in your relationship, you probably are. Second guessing yourself is common in relationships where mind games are rife. Learn to recognise the types of mind games and don t play the game.