why do people divorce after 20 years


My parents were together for a bit more than 20 years. They stayed together for us kids but they d been miserable from the get-go. They only got married because I happened (
yay me ), and then my two younger sisters came along. My mother quit her job and became a SAHM, while my dad traveled a lot for work (doctor). Before mama got pregs with me, my dad ran off and got married to another random woman. They swiftly got divorced, he came running back and immediately put a bun in mama s oven. His marriage to my mother was his third marriage. About five years in, my dad started an affair. Mama didn t find out until I was about 15. Mama kicked him out of the house. He lived close by, but he was a bit of an absent father. Paid for everything, but anything emotionally involved was/is not his style. He moved back in after a while but then, when I was about 18, mama found out he was still seeing this other woman. They d been carrying on this affair for more than a decade. She kicked him out again. Said she wanted a divorce. When I was 21 or 22, they finally got it in writing, but they re still (I m 24 now) trying to work out shared assets and monetary shit for it. They re not civil to one another. My dad is still with this other woman. We all hate her and neither he or she understand why. He wants me to meet her and keeps trying to guilt/manipulate me into doing it.


Probably because I m the only one of his three daughters (I lie, he has two other kids from his first marriage, but they re well and truly not involved) that even speaks to him. I feel bad for him, honestly. He has justified his affair in his head. He and Jo are awful for carrying on the way they did, and getting pissed off when nobody wanted her at their family gatherings after the divorce finally happened. My dad even chucked a fit because she wasn t invited to his niece s wedding ( I wasn t invited, so I don t understand why she would be). I just remember, as a kid, how miserable and snippy they were together. Mum was an alcoholic who drank every day and eventually ended up in rehab (she s been 13 years sober! ), dad blamed her behaviour for his affair and emotional abuse. She blamed him for other shit, blamed herself for her alcoholism, still does. Don t get me wrong, I love my parents. But my mother was this rock. This foundation that I grew up on, because she was alone most of the time. She is the strongest woman I know. After she kicked dad out the first time, she got re accredited as a nurse and loves her job. She raised three young women, who are all a bit screwy but somewhat functional. She s there when I need her and she has this armour around her that I cannot quite replicate, but she inspires me so much.

I love my dad too, but. He fucked up so hard and put the blame on her, and while I ve forgiven him for it, I will never forget about it. I dunno if anybody will even bother reading through this novel, but if you are staying together for your kids and you are both miserable. just DON T. Your kids will be happier with two parents who are happy, not two parents who hate each other and have to wait until they re alone before they explode and start screaming at one another. Do not be a part of something that doesn t make you happy. Aisha Tyler broke down crying on The Talk this week after revealing her 23-year marriage to Jeff Tietjens was headed for divorce. Her soon-to-be ex was the one who filed for the split in Los Angeles Superior Court, citing irreconcilable differences, but Aisha still declared her love for her him despite the relationship ending. б БEven though we\’re separating, all I want for him is joy and fulfillment in whatever he chooses to do in his life next. And whatever I can do to help him do that, I want to do it,Б Aisha said on the show she co-hosts. БI don\’t, not in any way, see this relationship as a failure. I was with this extraordinary person,\’ she explained. \’I had this extraordinary love affair for 25 years of my life. And that is how I see it. He\’s a wonderful person.

He\’s been my best friend for almost my entire life. I\’ll always, always love him. Б The two married in 1992 after attending Dartmouth College together, and appeard to be going strong. So what is it that makes a couple decide to call it quits after all those years? б New York based relationship expert breaks it down, saying Бwhen I hear people have been together that long, I feel people fall apart. Б БIf youБre the same idiot you are at 40 when you were at 20 thereБs something wrong, she says. БYou look at two runners who start in the same place, but 20 years later whatБs the chance they end up side by side? Б These are her top reasons people decide to move on, no matter how difficult it is. 1. You grow apart. You start doing different things, and take up new interests that are separate. Б LetБs say one travels, and one wonБt leave the country, so you go away without the person and have experiences you canБt share and that creates a rift,Б Rachel says. 2. The passage of time. Time wears on relationships, and simply put, people start to irritate you. БI donБt know that weБre supposed to be with a mate for our entire lives, beacuse back when marriage was created, people died young,Б Rachel says. б 3. Trying to get pregnant. БTrying to have a baby is the most stressful thing that can ever happen to a couple,Б Rachel says.

БIt can bring you together, but what you often see is if someone cares about it more or shares their feelings more, it can wear you down. If one cries and the other shuts down, itБs stressful. Б Aisha revealed her own fertility struggles in 2013 may have contributed to the breakdown of her marriage. She gave up trying after two years because it was too painful, she says. БWe just decided it wasn\’t worth it to go through that and so we decided to stop. It was better to not go through that torture,Б she said on her show. 4. Couples get bored. Married couples get into ruts and have to try really hard to keep the marriage interesting, exciting and erotic. БOtherwise youБre roommates who annoy each other,Б says Rachel. БYou want to have date nights, some similar and different interests. Б 5. ItБs been bad for way too long. Many couples call it quits because itБs been not so great for a very long time. People become frustrated, unhappy, depressed, and angry over time and if thatБs not fixed it takes a toll on your mental health. But there is a way to heal things, or at least try, Rachel says. Be aware of your partner\’s feelings, along with your own. Take time for the person, find things in common, go on dates, keep it hot. Most of all, communicate through the ups and downs.

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